Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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