I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
