Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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