if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
