I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
