Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
