i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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