she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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