my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I touched a dick in church today
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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