I am in a vortex of obligation.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
