i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I have post one night stand depression
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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