Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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