Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
