I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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