I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
