Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
