I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
