i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
