she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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