hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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