I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
