The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
