somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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