Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
