I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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