I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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