What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
