I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
