My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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