he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
