I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i now understand why vodka
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
