I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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