This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
