it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
