..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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