dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I understand Curling. That high.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
