You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
