i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
