your room smells of hookers.
And success
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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