so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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