Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
