His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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