When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
