Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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