One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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