I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
