Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
