Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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