so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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