Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
