Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
