i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
