Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
How's work?
Spinning.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
