Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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